“Trauma isn’t what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you.” – Gabor Maté
A while back, I saw a hypnotherapist for several sessions, addressing some mindset issues, imposter syndrome, and remnants of childhood traumas.
I found this incredibly beautiful and helpful, but I see a holistic practitioner who is not covered by insurance, so I hadn’t had a session in a few months.
In that time, I experienced some new traumas which I never fully processed so I booked a one off appointment for yesterday.
The full story is not mine to share and I won’t get into it today, but one of the unresolved points of trauma for me involved an interaction with a family member.
I was the person who broke the news to this family member and it was a jarring moment.
I would ordinarily describe this person as emotionally unavailable. Truly, we don’t discuss hurt feelings or emotions. There is very little vulnerability shared.
They are also someone that I have looked up to as a role model for a long time.
And when I called to share the news, I did not expect to be met with the screams of grief. The kind that I hope you have only heard in movies. Followed by sobs.
To be burdened with the sudden burst of emotion was a traumatic moment for me and I didn’t realize it until my hypnotherapist named it as a trauma.
I had been hesitant to call it that because it seemed so insignificant in relation to the primary loss.
But something inside of me snapped under the weight of that agony. And that is all that matters.
I share this today because that moment was so freeing. To finally name my trauma.
If you are holding past trauma in your body because you have been afraid to name it for what it is, I want you to know that it doesn’t matter how big or small someone else thinks that event was. Name it. I give you permission.
And I hope you find healing.