Motherhood as a New Beginning

Motherhood has been an interesting journey in personal development.

When I learned that I was pregnant, my many thoughts included:

How will I be able to take care of my baby and not neglect myself?

This is not the timing that I wanted.

I’m finally in a good place mentally, how will I take care of my mental health?

Will I be a good mom?

How will I take care of a baby? (I have never been a baby person)

I don’t want people to see me as weak because I’m pregnant.

Will I still be able to have the career I want?

There were plenty more, but you get the idea.

I’m now nearly two years into knowing my amazing, wonder child.

And I can say with certainty.

I have never been more mentally healthy.

Wanting to be a good parent has pushed me toward healing old wounds.

I exercise more than I have in a decade.

I do crazy things now like make my bed every day and go to bed at the same time.

My days are more purposeful.

I have set and knocked out more goals in the last 2 years than I did in the previous 10.

I read more books than I have since I was a preteen.

My friendships are deeper.

My spiritual life is richer.

I set better boundaries than ever.

I feel like I’ve leveled up several times since becoming a mom.

I don’t say all of that for applause.

I share my story because it is the complete opposite of what I feared.

I spent so much time imagining the worst case scenarios of motherhood.

I pictured martyrdom.

I believed that I would be sleep-deprived until my daughter turned 5 thanks to an article I read.

I painted a scene drained of color and fulfillment.

But I never imagined that as my daughter grew I would grow with her.

Not just into a mother I am proud to be, but as a woman who is closer to the person she aims to be.

I had no idea that my daughter’s mere existence would inspire me, challenge me, to become more than I was.

I feared I would lose myself, but I created a version of myself that feels truer than ever.

I believe that this is possible for all new moms.

I believe that the more we invest in ourselves as individuals, the better we become as parents.

I believe that our children deserve the best version of ourselves we can create.

I believe that we get to choose who we are going to be.

I believe in the power of new beginnings.

Maybe It’s None of Your Business

Stop asking women why they don’t have a (or another) child right now.

There are multiple reasons why this might be the case and absolutely none of them are your business.

I know this is not a new soapbox, but this is the first I’ve stood on it.

Maybe she’s not ready.  Emotionally, financially, logistically.

Yes, I know, I know.  They say you’ll never be fully ready.  But ultimately she gets to make that decision.

Maybe there are health concerns.

Maybe there is a lack of support in her life.

Maybe she’s trying and it’s just not happening.

Maybe she doesn’t want a child and your guilt-tripping is making her feel like shit.

Maybe she’s got some birth trauma.

Maybe she’s afraid.

For any number of reasons.

Maybe there are risk factors.

Maybe she’s struggling with infertility.

Whatever the circumstance, unless she volunteers this information to you, it’s none of your business.  

At best, your questioning and hinting will be annoying.

At worst, you could be rubbing salt in the wounds of trauma.

This is probably coming off as angry, but it’s really just me being tired of watching it happen.

Over and over and over.

To me, to people I love, to people who are clearly uncomfortable with the intrusive questions.

You don’t ever know what is going on behind the scenes in someone’s life.

Fertility and the decision to add or not add to your family is no different.

So today, can we start being a little more compassionate about the way we discuss this with the women in our lives?

You Don’t Need it, but Here’s Your Permission

It is the dead of winter where I live.  It’s the part of winter where you are over it, ready for it to be green again, and absolutely fed up with ice and frigid temperatures.

We are in the part of winter where restfulness starts to tend toward restlessness.  

I should have known when I drew the Tower card as my tarot card of the month for January, but I did not foresee getting COVID the day before I was supposed to fly out for a big week-long conference.  Or that my first ever momcation completely by myself would be cut short by a severe ice storm.

Rest for me has been difficult this winter.

It is every winter of course, but this year it hasn’t looked the way I wanted it to.

I had hoped for more independent time to do fun things, to journal, to do some healing, to read loads of books and meditate.

Instead, rest has looked like skipping the dishes a couple of times.

Or leaving my Christmas tree halfway undecorated.

And doing one little piece of self-care every day.

I have an oracle deck called the Sacred Self-Care and this has been great inspiration for self-care.

It can be something as small as singing.  I sang in a choir for many years, but sometimes I do forget to just sing.  The reminder has been nice.

So I guess today, this is my reminder to you, to do something small that brings you joy.  That makes you feel alive.  That gives you inspiration.

If you needed someone to give you permission to just rest today, I hope you hear me when I say you have it.

Rest.  

Regenerate.

Incubate.

Nurture.

You deserve it.