Maybe It’s None of Your Business

Stop asking women why they don’t have a (or another) child right now.

There are multiple reasons why this might be the case and absolutely none of them are your business.

I know this is not a new soapbox, but this is the first I’ve stood on it.

Maybe she’s not ready.  Emotionally, financially, logistically.

Yes, I know, I know.  They say you’ll never be fully ready.  But ultimately she gets to make that decision.

Maybe there are health concerns.

Maybe there is a lack of support in her life.

Maybe she’s trying and it’s just not happening.

Maybe she doesn’t want a child and your guilt-tripping is making her feel like shit.

Maybe she’s got some birth trauma.

Maybe she’s afraid.

For any number of reasons.

Maybe there are risk factors.

Maybe she’s struggling with infertility.

Whatever the circumstance, unless she volunteers this information to you, it’s none of your business.  

At best, your questioning and hinting will be annoying.

At worst, you could be rubbing salt in the wounds of trauma.

This is probably coming off as angry, but it’s really just me being tired of watching it happen.

Over and over and over.

To me, to people I love, to people who are clearly uncomfortable with the intrusive questions.

You don’t ever know what is going on behind the scenes in someone’s life.

Fertility and the decision to add or not add to your family is no different.

So today, can we start being a little more compassionate about the way we discuss this with the women in our lives?